they died

② find out if they

were an organ donor

check their driver’s license or living will.

organ donor directory
US Gov site where you sign up with your driver’s license. State by state directory.

④ admin.biz

contact attorney

If there is no will, find an attorney that handles will and knows probate law.

What is probate?

Probate usually works like this: After your death, the person you named in your will as executor—or, if you die without a will, the person appointed by a judge—files papers in the local probate court. The executor proves the validity of your will and presents the court with lists of your property, your debts, and who is to inherit what you've left. Then, relatives and creditors are officially notified of your death.

determine executor

The executor of a will is the person you name to carry out your wishes after you pass. When you die with a legally-valid will, a judge will approve the executor you’ve named in it to act on it. This could include paying outstanding debts with the money left from your estate, distributing your money and property to your heirs, and more.

tips on executors

gather important docs

contact employer

THIS IS IMPORTANT TO DO AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO YOU HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING OF ANY COMPANY BENEFITS AVAILABLE TO YOU AND OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS. IF YOUR LOVED ONE WAS A VETERAN OF THE MILITARY, CONTACT THE VETERAN’S ADMINISTRATION, AS THERE MAY BE OTHER BENEFITS AVAILABLE.

OTHER ITEMS

SECURITY AT THE HOUSE

MAKE SURE THEIR HOME IS LOCKED UP/ALARMS SET AND VALUABLES ARE SAFE. BURGLARIES HAPPEN OFTEN AFTER SOMEONE PASSES.

PROVIDE CARE FOR PETS + PLANTS

have someone take care until a permanent home is found
hopalong Pet survivor program

FORWARD MAIL AND SAVE IMPORTANT BILLS

CONTACT THE POST OFFICE. THIS IS IMPORTANT TO KEEP MAIL FROM PILING UP AND TO ENSURE BILLS AND OTHER TIME-SENSITIVE ITEMS AREN’T MISSED. THIS IS SOMETHING AN EXECUTOR WOULD DO.

CANCEL NEWSPAPER, MAGAZINE, AND ONLINE SUBSCRIPTIONS

MAKE SURE TO CANCEL ANY NEWSPAPER, MAGAZINE OR ONLINE SERVICE (SUCH AS STREAMING TELEVISION OR MUSIC) SUBSCRIPTIONS. 

⑤ obituary

POST ON OBIT SITES + CONTACT NEWSPAPERS.

INFO YOU’LL NEED

KEY FACTS AND INFORMATION YOU NEED FOR AN OBITUARY:

GIVEN NAME

ARMED SERVICES NUMBER

DATE AND BIRTHPLACE

OCCUPATION AND EMPLOYER

MOTHER’S MAIDEN NAME AND BIRTHPLACE

THE ART OF THE OBITUARY

INTERVIEW WITH NY TIMES OBIT WRITER MARGALIT FOX VIA THE PARIS REVIEW

THE LAST WORD

A FILM ABOUT AN OBIT WRITER STARRING SHIRLEY MacLAINE

FATHER’S NAME AND BIRTHPLACE

THOSE WHO HAVE PRECEDED IN DEATH

SURVIVORS AND RELATIONSHIP TO DECEASED

HOBBIES, INTERESTS

SCHOOLS ATTENDED

⑥ Funerals +

BODY OR NOBODY? THAT IS THE QUESTION.

WHAT’S THE DIFF?
a service that commemorates the life of the deceased with remains is called a funeral while one with cremains, no body, or closed casket is a memorial.

YOU CAN HOLD THE Service AT:

• Cemetery building

• GRAVESIDE

• RELIGIOUS BUILDING

• ANYWHERE YOU WANT!
  
  

disposition of remains without services is called immediate burial while cremains is called direct cremation.

A CELEBRATION OF LIFE IS USUALLY AN EVENT THAT HAPPENS AFTER THE REMAINS HAVE BEEN DEALT WITH. THEY ARE LESS CEREMONIAL.

a gathering before a funeral service is called a viewing/wake when the remains are present, while A GATHERING before a memorial service is called a visitation when the remains are not present.

gathering Location

• funeral home

• HOME

• ANYWHERE YOU WANT!

final home

how TO handle the remains (disposition), what TO put them in, and where do they go.

how

burial OPTIONS
◦embalmed
◦natural

cremation
◦with fire (classic cremation)
◦with water (alkaline hydrolysis aka resomation)

decomposition
◦human composting
◦mycelium

ANATOMICAL GIFT
◦ORGAN/TISSUE DONATION
◦WHOLE BODY for SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH
◦body farm for forensic research

sally mann’s body farm photos

what

◦Casket (4 sided) or Coffin (6 sided tapered shape)
◦Casket/Coffin + Vault/Grave Liner
◦Biodegradable Casket
◦shroud
◦urn
◦NOTHING

where

remains
◦interned in an earth burial in a cemetary plot
◦entombed in a crypt in a mausoleum
◦BURIAL AT SEA

cremains
◦Interned in a niche in a Columbarium 
◦Scatter into a garden or forest, water or space. 
◦in an urn in your home
◦interned in an earth grave in an urn inside casket or in ash burial urn in a grave liner
◦TRANSFORMED INTO A ROCK OR JEWELRY
◦inside mourning jewelry

how to scatter via ny times

and there’s more (!!)

• Pick out clothing for the deceased

• Choose pallbearers

• Order a funeral limousine if needed

• Sign necessary papers for burial permit

• Choose the memorial type and inscription for grave market

• Choose an urn if cremated

• Choose readings for the service

• Choose the special people to read eulogies and tell stories

• Pick the type of flowers

• Choose music

• Order the funeral program

• Choose a charitable organization(s) to receive donations

• Arrange care for kids during event

• Keep a list of callers, flower tributes and donations

• Create a guest book for attendees

• Provide lodging for out-of-town attendees

• Prepare your home for family and friends

• if you are having an after funerAl event - figure that out too! location and food and music and maybe a memory lane slideshow

HOMEGOING

go green

Traditional vs. Green funerals

GreenBurials.org defines green burial as service involving no embalming, no concrete vault, no traditional caskets, and little or no human-made changes to the burial site, such as grave markers. The Green Burial Council defines green burial as an environmental burial, employing "minimal environmental impact,"  "legitimate ecological aims," and a "conservation of natural resources."

GREEN BURIAL GUIDEBOOK

Traditional is bad for the earth.
using chemicals for embalming and materials like concrete and metal that stay in the earth forever. Green is natural using biodegradable materials so your body can return to earth as it should. 

embalming is disgusting.
your Fluids removed from your body and sent down the drain to a septic system or water treatment plant are replaced with embalming fluid that consists of numerous contents, including formaldehyde, methanol, dyes, hydrochloric acid, disinfectants, humectants, sulfur dioxide, and benzene. you cool with this?

cremation
fire (cremation) vs. water (resomation)
Ashes generated from fire cremations are toxic and not bio-degradable.  This is a result of the incineration process itself. As such, scattering of these ashes is often restricted or prohibited as their affect on the soil is detrimental and harsh on the surrounding ecology.

Ashes from water cremation are non-toxic, bio-degradable, and beneficial to any environment into which they are incorporated.  This allows for a new “no boundaries” approach to scattering choices for families.

home funerals

What is a Home Funeral?

A family centered response to death that allows time to honor the life of the departed and may involve:

• family doing the necessary paperwork

• transportation

• body care

• ceremony

• making caskets, urns, shrouds, etc.

• disposition of the body

• having them lay in honor in the home for one, two or three days

WHY HAVE A HOME FUNERAL?

• emphasizes the family maintaining control in the days following a death

• offers a beautiful and healing experience for loved ones

• is often more affordable and respectful to the environment than contemporary funeral industry-led funeral

Pros

Having some quiet to process has been shown to improve healing from loss. Once you make the call and the body is taken away things start to feel busy.  

Cons

Feels too intense and too much to do. Okay, so maybe just sit with the body for an hour then call a funeral home. That’s okay. Do the parts that you can handle. 

I’M SORRY ⇨